Creativity and me. 2: Egg - the capability of developing into a new individual

EGG: spheroidal reproductive body enclosed in a protective layer,  capable of developing into a new individual

quote from Hatched re-hatched

As I wrote yesterday, Eggs were my theme during the first number of years of illness.

About a year into the illness I woke up one morning and made a drawing of an egg.
I can asure you, l was not in the habit of drawing. And certainly not in the habit of drawing eggs... first thing in the morning.

First Egg. © Corina Duyn 1999

There must have been some notepad beside my bed. Most likely because I had such a bad memory (ME/CFS brain) that I had to write everything down. Every question I might need to ask my home help, or something I might like to eat, or need. Anything. No thought stayed long enough in my brain to make it to the rightful person who could help me.

Anyway. I found myself with a drawing of a cracked egg. The broken piece of shell held by a hand reaching out from the inside.

I had not the foggiest idea why I made this.

So, I decided to look in the dictionary. 

EGG: spheroidal reproductive body enclosed in a protective layer,  

capable of developing into a new individual.

Now THAT I could relate to.
I was stuck in an egg. I needed the protective layer as if anyone sneezed at the end of the street, I would end up in hospital. The protective layer was also my enclosed life. I spend most of my time in bed, or on the couch. I needed, and as given, protection from kind home helps, friends and family. My home and care were my protective layer.
But what I related to most of all was the capable of developing into a new individual.

My life, my existence, was so stripped back to it's absolute minimum that I had the feeling I was starting life all over again. And with that, I had capability to developing into a new individual. A challenge. A possiblity.

Every day I would start afresh again.

Every day I tried to see beyond the fear, the pain, the wish to let me sink into the mattress into oblivion and not have a new day start. But when a new day presented itself to me, I would remind myself that I was given a chance to develop into this, as yet unknown - even to myself, individual.
I presevered.
And grew into what I have become today.
A long journey of eggs, becoming the bird, finding my ground, and now looking to re-emerge to dance in nature.

A footnote for my friends recently diagnosed with ME/CFS 

Off Balance- drawing by Corina Duyn 1999

There were many days where I was completely off balance. 

Like the hardship experienced by friends recently diagnosed with ME/CFS. 

You are in my thoughts 

I am holding you gently.

Stay in your Egg for a little while.
Rest. Rest. Rest. 

Be minded.

Be cared for.

And grow into a beautiful bird.

Corina

links and further reading:

• First chapter: illness and the touchy subject of creativity
• Hatched -a creative journey through ME is now available as digital download for €3.99
• A gallery of my Fantasy Folk Artist Dolls and early work, of which many appear in Hatched, please see HERE
• My book and art shop