While sitting for almost that two and a half hours on a plastic chair in the waiting-"hall", to see the neurologist, I wondered if the word patient really is spelled in the same way for the person who is ill and the person who is waiting, and waiting, and waiting some more.
It is!
Here a few descriptions of pa·tient (from dictionary.com)
–nouna person who is under medical care or treatment
–adjectivebearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, pain, etc., with fortitude and calm and without complaint, anger, or the like.
– Idiom having or showing the capacity for endurance
Endurance...
I didn't want to go to this appointment.
I always end up exhausted, depressed, disappointed, and in more pain than I was before going.
I nearly had my wish granted- I hadn't been able to organise a life to the hospital- 1 hour away from here. But as Jane had to go to Cork anyway, I could hardly refuse the lift.
So I went. Thinking that whom ever or whatever is in charge of setting up these kind of options (the universe- God, whatever your choice) must have some reason to make it important for me to go and not to cancel the appointment.
As usual, I went with a certain expectation in tow. Again. Maybe, just maybe, "they" can tell me more about the ME in my life. Or more importantly, how to ban it out of my life.
Silly, as it is me- or all of us living with this challenging illness- that know more about living with it than any medical professional you happen to see 5 minutes every 6 months will ever know...
I was seen after waiting for 2 hours and 45 minutes. Not by the neurologist but by a registrar, or whatever the title. No offence to her, but her stop word was "I know". This confused me, as how would she know how my past year has been before I told her... How did she know I had many renewed challenges regarding pain and exhaustion, together with the mental challenges that followed...
How?
She didn't know.
When she checked my racing heartbeat, she suggested that I have an ECG done.
But,
As it was now after 5pm there was nobody available at the ECG department. (I thought I was in a hospital..??)
I said- maybe not so nicely- or patiently- taking today's theme into account... "I have been here since half past two..." Neither the registrar, or the nurse present, responded.
Blood tests were also suggested, but that department also closes as 5 pm.
The requests for these tests will be forwarded to my General Practitioner.
Knowing from experience that a letter from the hospital can take months, I asked when this would be done.
"Oh probably within the month." She said with a smile.
This left me speechless.
Finally home, I am mad, tired, in pain, sad, in tears and pledge again not to do this to myself ever again. No more pointless—(Synonyms: meaningless, unproductive, futile, ineffectual) appointments (–noun a fixed mutual agreement for a meeting)
I am better off staying at home and deal with the illness the way I know best.
I feel I wasted very precious energy today.
Oh before I forget.. I asked her what her views were on the XMRV virus and the links to ME.
In all honesty, she said that she doesn't follow the news.... and kind of laughed.
I rest my case.
Tomorrow I will go back to what I know best, writing, meditation, go out into the garden, and love all I love in life.
That at least makes me feel good.
PS in fairness, the doctor was courteous and kind, it is the system that I am most annoyed about.
PS in fairness, the doctor was courteous and kind, it is the system that I am most annoyed about.
Thanks for listening! I feel better now!
PS.. always happy to hear/read your thoughts/comments on any of my blogs.
