College: "To do or not to do"

As you might know, I took a huge leap into the unknown last year to fulfil a long held dream of being a student at UCC in Cork. I became a student of Disability Studies and thoroughly enjoyed it. (see posts about this adventure here)
It did however come with rather large challenges. Getting there was one of them, and after becoming very ill from the taxi-bus-taxi journeys every week and staying in Cork for the night to do the journey in reverse the following day, I had some amazing support to be able to go to college by taxi. This sounds rather decadent, but there is no public transport of any kind in my town. I was picked up and brought home that same night so I could sleep in my own bed and fully rest the following days.
There was of course the sitting up in class for the three or four hours, which is a challenge in itself and at the same time you're suppose to stay alert! The 'good old adrenalin' clicked in every time but of course that is 'borrowed' energy and I find it very hard to come down form this artificial high.

I remember a good few nights where I was suddenly aware to be sitting in a class in college among 35 other students. "I am in college" I would think. It made me smile every time. It was as if someone has plucked me from my normal existence and dropped me into this class without telling me in advance.

Another extra energy drain was that I had to do a lot more reading, and spending many more hours on computer to write my essays.

But.
I LOVED IT!

Yes my health was compromised. But I enjoyed being in the class with people from such a diverse background and from so many different countries. I learned so much. I became aware of the wider issues surrounding living with a disability. I relayed a lot of it to my own experiences of living with ME. So many questions arose. My past experiences of working as a nurse in Rehab and palliative care and as a social care worker with people with learning difficulties, and being a creative being all seem to finds its place through this for me new topic.
I became much more aware of the Arts and Disability Culture. How people with disabilities are projected in the media, and how, I felt, that the artist, and the arts can function as a form of education about our lives. We do have a life and we do have a value in society!

But.
After a lot, an awful lot of deliberations, I have decided not to go back to college for the second year of Disability Studies at UCC.

Various reasons:
I have not been able to secure funding: 70% of my travel fund is no longer available this year. The cost, on top of the €900 Tuition fee is too high to bear on my own. It would be much to stressful.

Secondly, it took me about two and a half months to recover fully from the year in college (and surgery I had a few days after college ended). When I started to feel well, 'my well', I realised how much college had taken over my life and impacted on my health.

I am only doing what I had hoped to do for the summer and that was reading more about Disability Art, and life lived with chronic illness. etc.

I came across some amazing books, especially "The Rejected Body", by Susan Wendell comes to mind. Wendell has ME, is Associate Professor of Women's Studies at Fraser University BC Canada. A lot of her writing made great sense to my own experiences. A gem! Many more besides this one. Will tell you more some other day.

My not college orientated reading into Disability Art and living well with Chronic Illness, is well on the way, and I am thoroughly enjoying it.  At the end of this month I will be spending two weeks at the Tyrone Guthrie Centre, for which I received a bursary, to work on my writing about this and create art resulting from it and plan to continue to do so for the year ahead!
When I scribble in my notebook I call this "my-book-to-be" project.

The past year in college set me up for this exciting road ahead. I am immensely grateful to all who supported me along the way, and I will keep my options open to finish the course next year.

Mary O'Grady, Disability Support Officer at UCC, is very supportive in terms of my project, including in a practical sense with Assistive Technology to make working on computer less tiresome. She also has plans for me in connection with Disability Awareness Week and talks with O.T. students.

This way I feel I am still at college although not as a student who attends lectures. I do hope to make use of the library for research purposes.

It was certainly not an easy decision to make. But a long talk with my GP settled it. I am happy with the decision. Even excited about it.

It is funny how I feel a sense of Freedom since I made up my mind. I suddenly have lots of time!
Because it took so long to recover over the summer months, it feels as if I only had a two week break between finishing college and starting again!
Time is a curious thing, and so is the mind!

Be good my dear friends!

Peace in the garden. Peace in the mind.
© Corina Duyn 2013

ps... As always it is lovely to know that you stopped by to read my musing and follow my creative adventures. Many thanks & Lots of love Corina

Weaverbird

"Weaverbird" © Corina Duyn 2013
15cm x 22.5 cm

Well I did it, after starting my latest weaving project just over a year ago, I finished it (minus the right hem).

The first half, which was the weaving of the birdsnest and bird, went relatively fast, well no weaving is fast, but there was a steady growing of the nest, if you get my drift. Then, I got scared. How on earth do I weave an eye, with a bill of the bird in front of it with only a few warp threads to do it with? 

So, 

I procrastinated. 

For months the frame stood beside my chair and all I could do was look at it, occasionally I ventured as far as picking it up, and look at it some more, before putting it back again.

The weaving of this small detail was too much to comprehend.

Why oh why do I come up with such difficult designs?

About six weeks ago I picked up my work again and took the very brave step to just do it. Weave the eye. This was followed by a bit of a 'research': how long can one weave without having to attempt the second eye? As it turned out, quite a long time!

And suddenly it was done. It literally took me by surprise when I reached the edge.

Last Friday I had a 'cutting off party', as the moment of cutting a tapestry of a frame is affectionately called. My ex-weaving-teacher Pascale reminded me how to do a hem... I let her work away... until one side was done. I tried my best to make the second hem as good as hers but failed, hence the half finished side. It will have to wait for her capable hands to finish this year-long project for real.

Of course I am already working on a design for the next one... a poppy...  (as it turns out, not any easier) Watch this space, but please don't hold your breath!

By the way, if you'd like to know more about the weaverbird which inspired this tapestry, please see here.

ps... As always it is lovely to know that you stopped by 

to read my musing and follow my creative adventures. 

Many thanks & Lots of love Corina

Anúna's, "The Blue bird"

A short blog today, one which I meant to write a while back.

You know that I like birds. Well to my absolute delight I realised that one of my favourite pieces of music by Anuna, is called The Blue Bird!

Enjoy!

ps... As always it is lovely to know that you stopped by to read my musing and follow my creative adventures.Many thanks & Lots of love Corina

The arts, study, disability and awards

.. now that is some title. You see I have so much in my head that I don't quite know what to write first!

Metamorphosis © Corina Duyn 2012

So, the Arts, as it appears first in the title. Well, as you know I had an exhibition in the Spring and as I was writing the 'blab' for the gallery, I realised how my work had changed from wanting to be free and"fly away" from illness, to becoming much more grounded. Sculptures like  To be Born and Metamorphosis came into being, all created from roots and tree branches. I think this came about from finally fully accepting chronic illness and disability in my life.



I am aware that we go through many stages of acceptance and every time we think "this is it", and then we come upon some other challenge and have to start the whole process from grieving to acceptance all over again. This time though it feels different.
I felt a kind of freedom from this acceptance, a freedom to stop seeing complementary treatments as a possibly cure to seeing it as helping me to stay as good as I can, and manage the ups and downs of my health accordingly. I can just fully live my life as it is.
Again this I think is evident in my art created during the past year and a half. (Please see the exhibition link above if you'd like to see the images.)

Also, I think it is because of this acceptance that I ended up taking up the rather huge challenge of attending college to study Disability Studies. (One night a week) It certainly was not easy, and I had to overcome many a difficulty, practical as well as emotionally. But. It has brought me further on my path and I do hope to attend the second year in September.

This course has broadened my understanding greatly about what it is like to live with a disability in today's society, and for me personally, it has, in a round about way, opened up my mind to the world of Disability Arts/ arts created by people with a disability.
Nothing new there you might think, but I am now aware of so many artist and their work and it has wet my appetite to delve into the subject much further.
Part of my last assignment was an oral presentation. My chosen topic was "The artist as Educator" as I truly believe and now much more fully understand, that through the arts we can nibble away at the preconceived ideas by people who think they are the healthy ones, that when you are ill or disabled your life is not worth living, and you have nothing to add to society, and that we need to be cured.

I am hoping to write more about all this, and maybe in drips and drabs will put part of that writing here on my blog.

So what about the 'award' bit of the title?
As I am so excited to study Disability, the Arts, my own reflections, and keep developing my own creative output, I had written several proposals for funding to make this happen.
I have been so incredibly fortunate to have been awarded three separate bursaries. The Waterford County Arts Bursary (shared with many others) to spend two weeks at the The Tyrone Guthrie Centre an Artist workplace. I will be accompanied by Jane Jermyn who also was with me when I worked there on my book Hatched  in 2005. I will work on my writing and look for images in nature which represent my life.
Through Artlinks, a support organisation in the south east, I have been awarded a place at the mentoring session for literature later in the year.
The most exciting, I think, is the being awarded the Ted and Mary O'Regan Arts Bursary. This bursary has been set up in the memory of Ted O'Regan and his wife Mary, who were very much involved with anything to do with the arts in County Waterford. Every year family and friends sponsor a few artist to live their dream. The chairperson rang me a few weeks ago with the news that I had been one of two recipients, and that the panel was very excited about my arts and disability project.
To me, it is the recognition that touches me most, for all the bursaries. The recognition that I am on the right path in my life and with my work. Of course the financial contribution from the O'Regan bursary is wonderful too!

Tomorrow there is an award ceremony at the Mayor's Office in Waterford, and afterward I am going out for dinner with a few friends to celebrate my new, or continued path.

The last time I was at a Mayor's office was when I was about 8 years old. Our school was adjacent to a very busy road and traffic light were installed. The celebrate this, I was one of the lucky children from the school to be invited at the Mayor's office. My mother had knitted some very intricate knee socks and I wore them for the first time at this event.
No knitted socks this time!

ps... As always it is lovely to know that you stopped by to read my musing and follow my creative adventures. It would make my day if you leave a comment...

Many thanks & Lots of love Corina

Garden visitors

I enjoy visitors  to my garden, some more than others it might be said...

On Saturday just after a lovely nap in my garden, I heard the doorbell ring. 

A lady walking "Lady Louisa's walk"which runs along my house, saw the small wooden block on my wall with the notice that there are art and books for sale here, and decided to enquire.

She went away with a copy of the Cirrus Chronicles which is a fairy tale set in along the path she just walked, after exploring my garden and visited my studio.

How lovely to meet people in your own home. She brightened up my day.

Yesterday I met a young lady who recently moved into my area, and later that day she came to my house to buy a copy of Flying on Little Wings  and promised to be back over the coming weeks for my other two books.

Today I received a Thank You note in the post from the lady who was here on Saturday. 

You know, it is this little acts of kindness that really matter in life. 

Visitors also arrive in other forms- like through a package in the post with gifts to celebrate my new greenhouse, from a dear friend, cyber-friend as we have never yet met in person, who was so delighted with the new addition to my house and life.

A big thank you to you all for being part of my life, in subtle but amazingly powerful ways.

Yet other visitors, well they need a little more kindness from my part to welcome to my garden... Caterpillars. In saying that, I actually think they are creating their own bit of magic to the garden. Body sculptures in a way. Look how they become part of the leaf. I think it is kind of beautiful.

The skeleton that they leave behind is pretty to! They settled on this small tree/shrub (of which I do not know the name but was assured by gardener friend that it is a weed) after they had devoured all the leaves on the red current bush, but in an act of kindness (or just dislike) they had left the berries for me to eat.We all have our own taste I suppose!

ps... As always it is lovely to know that you stopped by to read my musing and follow my creative adventures. It would make my day if you leave a comment...

 Many thanks & Lots of love Corina

Going for a swim

Thank you all once again for the lovely responses to my blogs, and for the new visitor, a reader of my little book Flying on Little Wings, who stopped by to say hi.
Here a piece I wrote  a few weeks ago and like to share with you.

Yesterday I had a normal day out.  Going for a swim with friends, although I didn’t know any of the three people I shared my outing with. The only ‘un-normal’ part was that I was transported in a van, which advertised my disability… perhaps more about that later?

Anyway. After meeting with Andrea Lloyd, from the Irish Wheelchair Association (IWA) a few weeks previous, I had my first outing under the Outreach Service Program: do something on your own, with the support of the IWA.

My first thoughts what I would like to do was swimming.

Thursday the 13th June was my day.

I was picked up by Miriam (my support for the day) and driver L., in the IWA wheelchair bus. My chair and myself were loaded on. We picked up P. and his chair along the way. He was joining us to spend time in the swimming pool.

To be honest the drive down to Youghal was tough in places as the road is not the best (bumpy potholes) and I did my best to concentrate on the moment and not feel the pain in my body, and not feel the tiredness increasing even before I got my toes in the water. I imagined being a toddler in a buggy and awaiting a bath when the got ‘home’. Little did I know.

When I saw the beach I would have been quite happy just to sit along the boardwalk if the pool proved to be to full with children. I had worried about having youngsters doing crazy jumps into the pool. But we were lucky, there was hardly anybody there.

I was driven right up to the pool in my wheelchair and ‘glided’ into the water via the few steps although there was a chair-hoist available to lower me into the water. You see, I still so much want to do things on my own, without help…

I had decided I was here for a fun day, a relaxing time other that use the time in the pool solely for exercise, my body just wasn’t up to that. Miriam, my support, was also in the water and offered to hold me to float through the pool. Independent minded… I opted for ‘floaties’ instead. A giant piece of ‘foam spaghetti’, and a board to put my head or arms on. Together with Miriam we floated back and forth through the pool, chatting away. At times meeting P. and L. for a chat.

It really felt like a normal day. Nothing to do with being ill, having a disability, no difference between the IWA staff and P. and myself. We were all equal in the water, all at the same eyelevel and all floating or swimming around.

After a good while I tried to float on my back and tried to get comfortable with the use of the ‘floaties’ but Miriam stepped in: “This is how we do this”. She put her hands under my waist and when I finally fully gave in, I rested my head on her shoulders as she suggested. She swam me through the pool like this.

Thank you!

This was the most amazing experience I have ever had of letting go and letting myself be cared for. Ever. Closing my eyes it felt like mediation. Incredibly powerful. The memory still brings tears to my eyes. Tears of gratitude. For once I let myself be minded, be looked after, without working hard to resist it and trying to do things for myself. I am not sure if Miriam is aware of the huge step forward she has helped me to make.

I had great difficulty getting out of the pool via the three or four steps. I went up on my bottom, and needed to be pulled up to make it to wheelchair. Next time (I’m a slow learner) I will use the chair hoist.

To warm up we spend a short while in the sauna before getting showered and dressed in the spacious wheelchair adapted wetroom. I was offered help with this but Miriam was not surprised that I did not call her for help… I‘ll learn. I promise.

I am grateful for being made aware of the outreach service from the IWA and having had a chance to experience this wonderful day out. Can’t say my body was happy (it took 5 days to recover), as I used more energy than I had, and used more muscles than was obviously necessary resulting in a lot of pain, but the overall feeling is one of joy.

The outreach service will be fully rolled out in my area later in the year. Anybody with a physical or sensory disability can avail of the service, to do something you normally don’t get a chance to do on your own. Do something normal, like anybody else. The only “un-normal” I suppose is that the van/bus that gets us to where we want to go has the huge letters of the IWA written on it. Advertising our difference. It does not diminish the quality of the service but it might put people off using it. I am glad I overcame that issue and stepped onto the bus.

ps... As always it is lovely to know that you stopped by to read my musing and follow my creative adventures. It would make my day if you leave a comment? Many thanks & Lots of love Corina