'Invisible Octopus': (5) A Poem

Living in the shadows of an Invisible Octopus 

Working on ‘Invisible Octopus’ inexplicably forced me to examine and establish

the truth about what is my normal.

During the past five months I have been working with Dr. Emma Fisher through a mentoring bursary from the Arts & Disability Ireland Connect Scheme. The aim was to write a script for my existing puppets, as well as explore alternative forms of puppetry to accommodate the physical challenges due to my chronic illness/disability M.E.. 
In this paper, which I am sharing in sections, I explore the background to ‘Invisible Octopus’ and the challenges, opportunities and personal revelations it brought. 

Previous posts

• (1) Background
• (2)  How illness/disability dictates the design of puppets and props
• (3) M.E., and the Phoenix - rising from the ashes 
• (4)  M.E. as invisible octopus 
• (5) A poem - this post
• Two more to follow
• Short film abstract: https://vimeo.com/379284424

Póilin reading the draft of poem in her book

While working on the project I decided not to have dialogue in the proposed film. Instead I'd have Póilin Puppet reading a poem alongside the footage. Writing a poem links in with my previous writing.

Póilin will read in the garden, beside the hospital bed, or in the living room.

The sounds would only be nature sounds. No music.

This is as yet a draft poem.

Explanations and imagery related to the poem can be read/seen in previous posts. See links above.

Invisible Octopus 

by Corina Duyn 

Birds transcend

the limitations of my body

while I live in the shadows

of an Invisible Octopus

  

The reality of life

with the unpronounceable illness

Myalgic Encephalomyelitis

is hidden and fragile

M.E. as Invisible Octopus

acting as Puppeteer

Keeping me upright

or let me stumble at will

Inflicting pain

Challenging my brain

Letting go of the strings

leaving me lifeless

My creative mind

the visible thread

throughout this twenty-one-year long story

Transforming pain into poetry

The desire for freedom remains

Like the birds

I too need to fly the nest

and be one of the flock

Negotiating the right balance

between pulling and letting go

Strength so close to weakness

Joy so quickly pulled away

Octopus pulling strings violently

Knocking me down

trapping my words

[……]

Medics silencing me further

[……]

Dismissing Octopus’s reality

Sending me for psychiatric assessment

I disappear further

into the shadows

Into the reservoir

of darkness

Fear

Sadness

Grieving

So many losses

Vulnerability of illness

Uncertainty of knowing

If I improve again

Or not

Accepting

I can no longer

Live

Without full time care

I am one

In a worldwide community of hermits

Where freedom of movement

Is no longer a right

Breathe ..

Each moment is a death

Each moment is living

There is movement in stillness

Finding peace in my solitude

I am one with the birds

Their beauty and harmony

Uplifting and strengthening

Rising from the ashes

I fly among the birds

in freedom of mind

If only for brief moments of time

…

The illusions of life

are fragile

in the shadows

of an Invisible Octopus

…

Copyright:

* Abstract may be quoted, but please reference the source: 'Invisible Octopus', Corina Duyn, 2019. www.corinaduyn.blogspot.ie, (please include direct link) and date accessed. And it would be great to hear from you where you have used my writing. Thank you

To be explored in Next chapters:

• Hanging on by a string

• The play of shadows