Living in the shadows of an Invisible Octopus
Working on ‘Invisible Octopus’ inexplicably forced me to examine and establish
the truth about what is my normal.
During the past five months I have been working with Dr. Emma Fisher through a mentoring bursary from the Arts & Disability Ireland Connect Scheme. The aim was to write a script for my existing puppets, as well as explore alternative forms of puppetry to accommodate the physical challenges due to my chronic illness/disability M.E..
In this paper, which I am sharing in sections, I explore the background to ‘Invisible Octopus’ and the challenges, opportunities and personal revelations it brought.
Previous posts
- (1) Background
- (2) How illness/disability dictates the design of puppets and props
- (3) M.E., and the Phoenix - rising from the ashes
- (4) M.E. as invisible octopus
- (5) A poem - this post
- Two more to follow
- Short film abstract: https://vimeo.com/379284424
 |
| Póilin reading the draft of poem in her book |
Póilin will read in the garden, beside the hospital bed, or in the living room.
The sounds would only be nature sounds. No music.
This is as yet a draft poem.
Explanations and imagery related to the poem can be read/seen in previous posts. See links above.
Invisible Octopus
by Corina Duyn
Birds transcend
the limitations of my body
while I live in the shadows
of an Invisible Octopus
The reality of life
with the unpronounceable illness
Myalgic Encephalomyelitis
is hidden and fragile
M.E. as Invisible Octopus
acting as Puppeteer
Keeping me upright
or let me stumble at will
Inflicting pain
Challenging my brain
Letting go of the strings
leaving me lifeless
My creative mind
the visible thread
throughout this twenty-one-year long
story
Transforming pain into poetry
The desire for freedom remains
Like the birds
I too need to fly the nest
and be one of the flock
Negotiating the right balance
between pulling and letting go
Strength so close to weakness
Joy so quickly pulled away
Octopus pulling strings violently
Knocking me down
trapping my words
[……]
Medics silencing me further
[……]
Dismissing Octopus’s reality
Sending me for psychiatric assessment
I disappear further
into the shadows
Into the reservoir
of darkness
Fear
Sadness
Grieving
So many losses
Vulnerability of illness
Uncertainty of knowing
If I improve again
Or not
Accepting
I can no longer
Live
Without full time care
I am one
In a worldwide community of hermits
Where freedom of movement
Is no longer a right
Breathe ..
Each moment is a death
Each moment is living
There is movement in stillness
Finding peace in my solitude
I am one with the birds
Their beauty and harmony
Uplifting and strengthening
Rising from the ashes
I fly among the birds
in freedom of mind
If only for brief moments of time
…
The illusions of life
are fragile
in the shadows
of an Invisible Octopus
…
Copyright:
* Abstract may be quoted, but please reference the source: 'Invisible Octopus', Corina Duyn, 2019. www.corinaduyn.blogspot.ie, (please include direct link) and date accessed. And it would be great to hear from you where you have used my writing. Thank you
To be explored in Next chapters:
- Hanging on by a string
- The play of shadows
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