Puppetry, as a reflecting on life with illness/disability

The Two Dancer Puppets for the "Reflection" project are on the go since 2013, but I restarted working on them about two months ago. Read more about that HERE.

Puppet making has many, many steps. In terms of the creative process, but also emotionally....

If I like it or not!

'Hanging out'

Making

Sculpting the heads, the hands, the feet/shoes. Assembling the bodies. And for this project, of course there is two of everything. Herself, and her reflection... (A disabled puppet sees her dancing reflection in the mirror)

Broken bodies

Seeing these bodies side by side. In all their nakedness, a friend commented on how this also represents my story. The story of illness, of disability, of fragility, of a broken body in a way.

How true.

'But', I said'. 'They will be dressed, of course!'

'Of course.'

But isn't that a story in itself. 

The assembling of the bodies, the painting, dressing up and all, covers up the reality of a fragile body. A puppet body which can not function without support. Support of strings, and glue, and wires and a cross to manipulate movement. My body, which can not fully function without the support of mobility aids, of society, of friendships...

Putting it all together

Last week I started painting the heads, hands and shoes.

A process which is divided up in four stages. Two different undercoats. One 'wash' with watercolour paint, and finishing off with varnish. Before being attached to the body for good.

box of painted body parts, paint, brushes etc

The puppets became little beings.

I just love this photo of the puppet (its reflection) showing off the new socks.

I think there is a sense of fragility in it. But also a huge sense of pride.

I think this is one of my favourite images.
Fragility.
And pride.

In the last few days I have started to work on the clothing.

Clothing cut, and yet to be sewn and fitted

Oh, how I wish I could just stay in the studio, and finish the clothing. And not be in tears from the pain if stay any longer than 15 minutes behind/near the sewing machine... 

I am re-learning how to find the best posture, use the most appropriate chair, and most of all, to set my alarm.

So, all in good time, one day at the time, one small step at the time, the girls are getting dressed.

trousers fitting

Holding herself upright with her walking sticks

Saturday's session: first shirt in the making

And while I work away on the puppets, Dominic Fee is working on creating the movement of the puppets. I love collaborating with an artist of such calibre.

 Jimmy: "At last I made it onto a stage!"

Jimmy, my at least 25-year-old puppet, has travelled to Cork to be a 'stand-in' for the 'girls'. And how proud he looks! 

The 'stage' is Dominic's art: "DLV (DIMENSIONS, LOCATION VARIABLE) is a modular, interactive, open-ended artwork, made in 2013, consisting of several hundred wooden components which can be assembled together in many different ways." 

Jimmy with Dominic Fee's DLV artwork

The DLV artwork proved to be an incredible platform to facilitate the movement of the puppets. Dominic first trial had Jimmy move his arms, with the help of a small motor, and strings leading from the puppets via the DLV structure.

Incredible stuff.

Watch this space for updates!

Art and reality 

Over the years I have come to realise that my art reflects the stages of my life (with illness). Usually after a work has been completed. Sometimes I see this only years later... Reflections of growth, of hopes, challenges, and desires.

As this puppet project had a four year lead in period, in which my health took many a challenge, I can only hope that the movement, the stepping out, shown here, will in some way reflect my own present personal reality: the wish, and ability to dance. 

At least let me trust the reflection in the mirror - the movements which are possible in my mind's eye. 

The dance of life

"Prachtig" 

Gert Roos

Creative projects never progress very fast with me. But there are visible creative growth spurts.
I am experiencing one right now. Thank you Gert.

For years, and years I wanted to do an animation project.
Maybe this stems back from the Ballycardool project I was involved in (making the figures) in the two years leading up to me becoming ill.
Or maybe because I love puppets. I love when 'dolls' come to life.
Maybe it is the Life Outside the Box project that sparked finally starting my dream project.

I knew the theme of my project for a long time...
Inspired by this image from the Japanese animation movie Spirits of the Past.

still from: Origin, Spirits of the Past. Keiichi Sugiyama (Director) 

Although I tried to so something with this image initially through the form of a tapestry.

And... in all honesty - cocoons, pods, eggs, boxes... have appeared in my work for as long as have made Artist Dolls. (See link below to my galleries if you like to see them).

Anyway.
A pod
A cocoon
and a figure emerging from it
exploring my garden.

a little footnote
Over the years my creative work seems to go hand in hand with what is going on in my life. But I only became aware of these 'coincidences' much later. Sometimes months or even years.

So.
In July (I think) I bought an animation armature.
Sounds grand, but it really is a bag full of tiny, tiny, nuts and bolds, and rods, and screws, and wire, and a drawing on how to put these bits into a a figure.

Fun. Frustrating. Painful (literarly). But in the end I did have a little 'being'

I found some small eyes and put this in a piece of clay. The base for the head.

This is the way 'she' sat there for months and months, while I researched on how to make hands, that can move; what material to use, how can I make a face that shows expression... Animation/claymation is mind blowing stuff really. But interesting to explore a completely new territory.

The first cocoon I made out of paper mache, but as I wanted to be out in the garden, it had to be made out of real clay. This method brings its challenges. 

Real clay (versus air drying clay) shrinks a lot during drying and can not that easily be added on to when dry. And my studio days can be few and far between. But in the end, I did end up with a pod. And to my surprise and delight, it did not crack at all, at all, during the firing.

unfinished cocoon

The idea is that this little being would emerge from the pod/cocoon and walk through my garden.

But when I thought about it a bit more, it felt kind of lonely.

So I bought another armature. A slightly different one. 

Two, to dance together through life.

'She' turned out to be a little bigger. Somehow a little bolder.

I brought both with me to my retreat at Dzoghen Beara in February.

In the past the work that came from my hands and mind in Room 4 had a kind of wisdom in it. The location, the peace, my thoughts all making their way into my creations (Think 'Into the Light' book, and my Wisdom sculpture).

at Dzogchen Beara

I worked on the little one first. Shaping the body and working on her face.

It took me a few day, and what emerged was a kind of wise, quiet, knowing expression. 

A kind of purity - according to John Doughlas.

John Doughlas

The last day I got to know the other little being.
She turned out to be much 'bolder'. Stronger. 'Out there'. Not really caring what anyone thought of her.

John, the wonderful spiritual care staff at Dzogchen Beara whom I have chatted with every single time I was at this beautiful place. He is wise. Very wise. Just before I headed home he explored the week's thoughts with me. And we ended up talking through these two little figures. Talking about where I am at in my life... I am ready to speak up... but bring the wisdom of illness with me.

Ready to dance. The dance of acceptance. The two figures representing both side of me.

"She can only dance when she remembers the connection of the pure one"

dance of life- who is pulling the strings

John wondered that maybe the pure one is pulling the 'strings' of the bolder one.

The pure one having a kind of presence, but not really engaging with her surroundings. 

She can retreat back into her cocoon. 

Together they can dance with joy. And hold on to the inner contentment.

Much later, at home again,  I finally go to work on the cocoon.

resting

I went into the studio to paint it, but ended up using the beautiful papery layers of a wasp's nest.

And over the past few weeks, I have worked a few times on the hands and feet, and boots. Using Silicone. Again a process of trial and (many) errors. But am getting there.

adding silicone on to make hands

On one of the sunny days last week, I chose the location in my garden where the cocoon will be filmed. (how that will happen I don't yet know...)

cocoon in my garden

But then, I received the sad, sad news that my dear friend Gert Roos had passed away after a long illness. A brave man. A friend for 33 years. Gert encouraged me in my journey through life and illness. Encouraged my creative path. (I will write a proper post over the next few days about this beautiful human being).

The sadness of no longer being able to share our worlds took a great deal of my thoughts and energy.

Yet, Somehow I felt this great need to go into my studio. I found I was able to work on the little figure. I gave it hair. I started with the clothing. I felt at ease.

I truly believe that Gert was there with me. Guiding me to keep going. 

To step out of that cocoon, and dance with life.

I have been in my studio every day for the past few days. And will go there again today.

Over the past few months, we communicated via what's app. Sending short messages, memories and photos. I forwarded images and a short film of the cocoon opening to him. The word that came back most times was "Prachtig". Which does not have a direct translation in English, but are a mix between: lovely, gorgeous, stunning, wonderful...

Thank you my dear friend.

Much love to you and all.

Further reading and links

• first images of animation project
• The Dance of Illness
• A drawing by Artist Spark Deeley of the way I sleep
• Fantasy Folk and early ME-related art  and more recent sculptures

those beautiful moments when all is well

Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it.

Buddha

Following from yesterday's creative-suggestions-blog, this thought came to mind...

Those moments you are doing something that totally absorbs you.
When you forget your body.
You forget the pain, the exhaustion.
You are completely in the "zone".
Life is good, for that one moment.
Maybe even more than one moment.
Savour it.
Enjoy it.
Let it happen.

Page from Into the Light

When the 
mind
fully enters
the creative space 
an exquisite moment
can occur
of knowing
that what
you are doing
is exactly
right
for you 

There are many ways to be creative

Creativity: The use of imagination or original ideas to create something

Oxford Dictionary 

 

I know I hammer on about the amazing power of creativity. But...

It does not mean that you have to be- or become an artist or a writer...

my greenhouse-
with Plenty of Creative space for me!

There are many ways to be creative

• be playful with your day
• plan little things that make you happy and you can achieve within your energy/pain limits
• make Sundays different from the rest of the week
• for example have a different breakfast from the norm
• do some colouring
• there are many adult colouring books out there now.  Colouring from early on in the illness has helped me regain my finer motor skills, and I love it too.
• play to create a garden, or plant a few seed in a pot on the window sill. Growing things will bring joy
• find a craft you liked as a child, or something you always wanted to do
• I learned to weave, a long held dream fulfilled.
• enhance the immediate lived-in environment with thing you love
• hang pictures or photos of things you like
• the photo is of my greenhouse, I made a bed to rest on during spring days, and have a sculpture and some gifts from friends in there too
• collect different plates and cups to make each day special
• on days when I was bed bound my homehelp brought in snack and and drinks on a tray using a different set of plates and cups each day. It brought a smile to my face
• "Pimp" your mobility aids- to make them more fun
• Create a MEme - ME-me to get out an about for you
• buy the loveliest notebook and best pen you can afford to do some writing or drawing 
•  ... You get the idea... Now have Fun and Be Creative!

Being creative is also the ability to adapt to your circumstances. There is almost always a way ... If we can give it time and thought 

Further reading and links

• Pimping my wheelchair
• first weaving- the stuff of dreams
• Create a MEme
• Shop with prints and books, and art

The power of creativity

"Using creativity to cope during poor health is a positive response to a difficult situation." 

Tobi Zausner

The space clearing of my studio is continuing. 

All of the older work I had put up for adoption are going to new homes, where they will be loved once again.

The big jobs for which I needed help are done. 

I would like over the next week or so, to sort materials, and other collections of "stuff".

(every creative person will know what I mean by that...)

I feel lighter.

I like going into my studio again.

I feel a sense of ease.

A sense of overall well being.

Even though my body is in pain, and I am tired, I am actually feeling well.

My mind is filling up with creative possibilities.

This feeling made me think about the power of creativity.

And this book When walls become doorways – creativity and the transforming illness, by Tobi Zausner, came to mind.

I read, and used this book for my own Into the Light Artist book.

Throughout the writing of my book, I had great support from Tobi. She had given me permission to use quotes from her book, and emailed me often to follow my process. It is unlikely we will ever meet in person, but she was hugely helpful in encouraging me to keep going with my project, when I was very close to giving up.

Corina has a great capacity to help others with her work.

Tobi Zausner PhD, Author, Research Psychologist and Clinician 

Creativity is such an important part of my life. My life with illness.

I strongly believe that if I did not have my creative mind, I would not be as well as I am today.

Maybe I would not even be alive anymore. It is that important.

Creativity helped me to understand my new life. 

Helped me to explore the boundaries dictated by illness.

It allowed me to experience freedom.

Nobody could curtail the freedom of my mind.

I played with possibilities.

I was able to free on paper.

I could fly that kite.

I could fly.

I learnt so much.

And creativity became my way to still be part of the world beyond my walls.

"when walls become doorways..."

Some quotes from When walls become doorways – creativity and the transforming illness. 

By Tobi Zausner, Ph.D. 2006 Harmony book US

“In artists, the passion to create generates a will power strong enough to defy the worst disease."

(Surgeon Philip Sandblom)

"Artistic projection is a powerful experience because the work of art 

becomes a kind of virtual reality for artists." 

“Turning to creativity in response to illness gives us an enormous return on our time and effort. 

By taking our minds off distress and redirecting our attention to work in front of us, 

we lessen the experience of pain." 

"By compensating for what is lost due to illness, creativity restores a sense of wholeness 

that can produce a feeling of well-being comparable to restoring wholeness in life."

Be well.

Be creative.

In whatever way is doable, and interesting for your own personal circumstances 

Links and further reading

• my first book Hatched- now available as digital download shares a lot of these early creative adventures to re-establish who I was- or became- due to illness ME/CFS
• Into the Light my most recent book
• list of other books I used for Into the Light