All done and dusted

The hospital saga is finally over.
During the past 6 months there has been WAY too much emphasis on medical issues. Hospital appointments, procedures, surgery, in patient stays and waiting for scans and results...
Done.
Finished!

After seeing the neurologist yesterday (a three and half hour wait in a crowded waiting room and corridor) I was told that although the MRI scan revealed further deterioration of my upper spine/neck, the spinal cord was not affected. GOOD! So knowing that, I can go back to sorting my wacky body out for myself. In the way I feel best. Away from hospitals.
The answers to my wellbeing are not to be found in hospitals...
There was a brief mention again of neuro-psychiatry but I choose to ignore that. Also some other scary sounding drug, which improves energy, and is used by guys running around on the stockbroker markets... I am not interested.

What I am interested in, is, how I can go back to being me. 
To play in my studio. To be among creative individuals. To be out in nature, in my garden, and beyond. To find solace in meditation, and silence. To explore how I can increase my movements.

observing the many bees on my lavender plant

To get back on track with my walking plan, and now I know that my spinal cord is ok, I can do some gentle exercises with more confidence. I will seek support with straightening my 'twisted' spine and neck. And maybe, just maybe, I can put a plan in place to get onto some form of bicycle... Even if that means starting with a peddle-devise placed on the floor to get my legs moving like it would be on a bike. Sitting on the duo-bicycle in Holland is still SO much on my mind.

It is just unfortunate that there was a two month delay (after being an in-patient in hospital) to be able to trust my own gut feelings. Medics around me all had emphasized the importance of the brain, neck and upper spine MRI, that I felt my life - my progress back to some 'normality'- was on hold.

HSE

Health Service Executive

Really?

Anyway.
I am looking forward to getting back on track.

In the creative sense I have already done so.

• I started teaching my first puppet making class last Sunday. A class of three students.
• And I already have three students booked in for a class starting in September.
• Next week I will be giving my talk at the Puppet Symposium. I am honoured to be among such an amazing group of speakers from all over the world. (And a little daunted by it too, to be honest.)
• And I have made a gentle return to working on my animation figures. Making a mould to make little hands... This is already a one year project. Two to make the finishing line?

Anne and Margaret working hard

start of making the head

Even at this early stage the three puppets
are developing their own personalities

making the base for the puppet hands 

making the base for the puppet hands

Walking sticks or rolator

Yesterday I had a follow up meeting with the Community Physiotherapist after the hospital stay a month or so ago.
I was greeted with utmost respect and understanding. The assessment was detailed and lasted for over an hour. She gave me much credit for knowing my body well, and for being aware of the value of pacing etc. It really warms the heart to be listened to, and to have someone work with, to see if there is anyway I can improve my mobility and ability to some degree.

As we conducted the first part of a balance test, I kind of joked how I used to be a gymnast in my day. A reasonably good one. I even did some teaching for a few years. Good memories. Very good memories.
The physiotherapist said that the experience of being a gymnast probably helps me now with how to evaluate the workings (or non-workings) of my physical body. I know how to adjust my posture, although this does not come natural anymore.

Another discussion, after spotting a rolator in the gym, was about the use of mobility aids.
I have a parking lot full ...
From walking sticks, to a rolator, manual wheelchair and two mobility scooters (a small portable one, and a big sturdy one).

After my steps into the sea in Texel,
with my brother Kees

As I want to build up my walking outside the house again, which I had resumed last autumn but collapsed back in February  I was wondering should I use the rolator in stead of my two sticks?

During a test, it proved that I walk with the same """speed""' (ha ha) with both, but that maybe the rolator, which has a little seat on it, will ease the stress of walking outside the door.
I can walk the same distance, but can sit down and enjoy the view, without the worry that I need to get home quick before my legs give up.

I like that.
It makes sense.

The reason I suppose I am more likely to use sticks v. rolator is a mental one.
With sticks I feel less disabled than using a rolator.
The same counts for a manual wheelchair verses a powered one.
My 'pimped' wheelchair versus a boring black one.
I feel less disabled ON my scooter, than IN my wheelchair.
Or being in wheelchair accessible taxi (seated in my wheelchair) than in the a transit with the HUGE letters Irish Wheelchair Association on it.

It is all just a tricks of the mind.

page from Into the Light. 
IN a wheelchair, or ON a scooter

my pimped wheelchair

Conquering Lady Louise's Walk

Try again!

view of Lismore Cathedral seen from Lady Louise's walk

Yesterday, three weeks after my last walk, I was brave enough to try again.
Try again to build up my walking ability.

The last walk I did was during my stay at Dzogchen Beara, and it ended in tears.
I must admit that I was a little afraid to start again. But yesterday, after being stuck in the house since Monday, and the weather suddenly turned from rain and wind to give us a stunning sky, I ventured out.

I was wise not to go to my furthest point I had reached over three weeks ago, but go about 60% of the way. (6 minutes)
I was fine.
Well, you know, fine as in my-normal-after-short-walk-fine.

Glad I broke the mould again.
Back on track to conquer Lady Louise's Walk - stage one!

Lismore - Lady Louise's walk

More walking related Blog posts

• A walk I did in 2011 ... which I only found today, by looking for Walk related posts..
• sadness of the reality of learning to walk again
• Walk at Dzogchen Beara
• First walk in 2016 - sore hands and arms from walking 

Seaside memories

"great day for a walk"

A short blog today
with a memory from Hatched 
now available here as digital download 

The challenges of walking,
I briefly wrote about yesterday,
is of course nothing new.

Life is full of challenges
But also full of beauty.

I am on my way 
to experience a seaweed bath today.
A challenge. But fun.
Part of a ladies day out with the IWA.

Hopefully 
I will be able to climber 
out of the bath again
Needs be 
(most likely) 
with help!

Joy so close to Sadness. Darkness so close to Light

Be aware of the sadness but fill yourself with light

Dolores Ronayne 

walking at Dzogchen Beara 

I was looking through photographs
on my phone this morning.

I found this one:
Me walking
outside
Dzogchen Beara Care Centre.

It made me feel proud.
And it made me cry.

Joy

so close to Sadness

Darkness

so close to Light 

Further reading:

• Dzogchen Beara walk story Are you sure?
• First walk Sore arms and hands from walking
• A post from 2010 Alien Life
• Quotes are from Into the Light, available here  
• Quote this post and I will refund the €5 postage cost of any Into the Light order.