Cecile's story will live on through Póilin (Puppet)

Life can be so amazing, 

and sad, and inspiring, 

and full of contradictions 

and syncronicities all at the same time.

Cecilia Maier Gilchrest March 23, 1944 - March 03, 2018

The past few days I have finally started to put words and images together for my first talk in Nottingham Puppet Festival. The thoughts were well formed in my mind. I just hadn't found the moment yet to put the thoughts in order and into a presentation.

Friday was the day 'it happened'.
The thoughts, and the many notes I had made during the past 6 weeks of pretty much 'hugging the couch', were put in a reasonably orderly manner on a large blank page!

One of the notes I found were by my friend Cecile

"What an auspicious way to begin spring*. 

The energy that propels you so gracefully to give the gift of puppets to others."

* 21st March is first day of spring in USA & Holland anyway

21st March also happens to be World Puppetry Day.

My first talk is on the 23rd March. Cecile's birthday.

Yesterday I added a very short film to my presentation, of Cecile and Póilin Puppet having a moment of deep connection.
A few hours later I heard that Cecile had passed away on the 3rd March.

Rest in peace my dear friend.

Cecile and I met last month for the first time. But we had been in contact via email, and via our spiritual beings for over two years. Read her/our story here. It is beautiful.

"And then we stood on the wall, held hands, 

and flew in one of the most beautiful dreams of my life."

Cecile Gilchrest

In short, the book-in-a-box format of my book Into the Light  was conceived in room 4 of the Care Centre at Dzogchen Beara. Cecile stayed in room 4 a few months after the book was officiallly launched there. She connected with the words and images, and with the author on a very deep level. When made aware of the connection with the very room, email contact was initiated.

How beautiful a journey we have had over the past two and a half years. Not beautiful in terms of our health challenges, but beautiful to develop a deep understanding of our lives, and the way we find ways to live the best way we can.

We often shared a 'cup of tea', while I'd sit beside her bed.
All via our emails and thoughts, as Cecile lived in the USA, I am in Ireland.

We often shared 'virtual' time in the conservatory of room 4 at the Care Centre. Again in our thoughts, and with the idea, that ONE day, we will actually be together.

It became a reality.

We booked a stay at the Care Centre for the first week in February 2018. Cecile was accompanied by her daughter Monique and friend Dolores (Dee). They travelled all the way from the USA.

I am so immensely grateful for having had time with Cecile.
We talked. Cried. Laughed. Hung out.
Unfortunately I was ill during my stay, so didn't get to spend as much time as I would have hoped, but we met every day in room 4!

Last year we realized we also both have a connection with puppetry.
Cecile used puppetry until the age of 26. She clearly never lost her skills, as watching her animate my puppet Póilin, was just pure magic. I had only seen my puppet as an object I was working on.
In Cecile's hands she came alive.
So, Póilin was truly born on the 2nd February 2018.

Thank you Cecile.
Your story, and stories, and I have many in my head and heart, will live on through Póilin.

Rest peacefully my dear friend.
It has been an honour to have been part of your life.

Corina

12th March 2018

The dance of life

"Prachtig" 

Gert Roos

Creative projects never progress very fast with me. But there are visible creative growth spurts.
I am experiencing one right now. Thank you Gert.

For years, and years I wanted to do an animation project.
Maybe this stems back from the Ballycardool project I was involved in (making the figures) in the two years leading up to me becoming ill.
Or maybe because I love puppets. I love when 'dolls' come to life.
Maybe it is the Life Outside the Box project that sparked finally starting my dream project.

I knew the theme of my project for a long time...
Inspired by this image from the Japanese animation movie Spirits of the Past.

still from: Origin, Spirits of the Past. Keiichi Sugiyama (Director) 

Although I tried to so something with this image initially through the form of a tapestry.

And... in all honesty - cocoons, pods, eggs, boxes... have appeared in my work for as long as have made Artist Dolls. (See link below to my galleries if you like to see them).

Anyway.
A pod
A cocoon
and a figure emerging from it
exploring my garden.

a little footnote
Over the years my creative work seems to go hand in hand with what is going on in my life. But I only became aware of these 'coincidences' much later. Sometimes months or even years.

So.
In July (I think) I bought an animation armature.
Sounds grand, but it really is a bag full of tiny, tiny, nuts and bolds, and rods, and screws, and wire, and a drawing on how to put these bits into a a figure.

Fun. Frustrating. Painful (literarly). But in the end I did have a little 'being'

I found some small eyes and put this in a piece of clay. The base for the head.

This is the way 'she' sat there for months and months, while I researched on how to make hands, that can move; what material to use, how can I make a face that shows expression... Animation/claymation is mind blowing stuff really. But interesting to explore a completely new territory.

The first cocoon I made out of paper mache, but as I wanted to be out in the garden, it had to be made out of real clay. This method brings its challenges. 

Real clay (versus air drying clay) shrinks a lot during drying and can not that easily be added on to when dry. And my studio days can be few and far between. But in the end, I did end up with a pod. And to my surprise and delight, it did not crack at all, at all, during the firing.

unfinished cocoon

The idea is that this little being would emerge from the pod/cocoon and walk through my garden.

But when I thought about it a bit more, it felt kind of lonely.

So I bought another armature. A slightly different one. 

Two, to dance together through life.

'She' turned out to be a little bigger. Somehow a little bolder.

I brought both with me to my retreat at Dzoghen Beara in February.

In the past the work that came from my hands and mind in Room 4 had a kind of wisdom in it. The location, the peace, my thoughts all making their way into my creations (Think 'Into the Light' book, and my Wisdom sculpture).

at Dzogchen Beara

I worked on the little one first. Shaping the body and working on her face.

It took me a few day, and what emerged was a kind of wise, quiet, knowing expression. 

A kind of purity - according to John Doughlas.

John Doughlas

The last day I got to know the other little being.
She turned out to be much 'bolder'. Stronger. 'Out there'. Not really caring what anyone thought of her.

John, the wonderful spiritual care staff at Dzogchen Beara whom I have chatted with every single time I was at this beautiful place. He is wise. Very wise. Just before I headed home he explored the week's thoughts with me. And we ended up talking through these two little figures. Talking about where I am at in my life... I am ready to speak up... but bring the wisdom of illness with me.

Ready to dance. The dance of acceptance. The two figures representing both side of me.

"She can only dance when she remembers the connection of the pure one"

dance of life- who is pulling the strings

John wondered that maybe the pure one is pulling the 'strings' of the bolder one.

The pure one having a kind of presence, but not really engaging with her surroundings. 

She can retreat back into her cocoon. 

Together they can dance with joy. And hold on to the inner contentment.

Much later, at home again,  I finally go to work on the cocoon.

resting

I went into the studio to paint it, but ended up using the beautiful papery layers of a wasp's nest.

And over the past few weeks, I have worked a few times on the hands and feet, and boots. Using Silicone. Again a process of trial and (many) errors. But am getting there.

adding silicone on to make hands

On one of the sunny days last week, I chose the location in my garden where the cocoon will be filmed. (how that will happen I don't yet know...)

cocoon in my garden

But then, I received the sad, sad news that my dear friend Gert Roos had passed away after a long illness. A brave man. A friend for 33 years. Gert encouraged me in my journey through life and illness. Encouraged my creative path. (I will write a proper post over the next few days about this beautiful human being).

The sadness of no longer being able to share our worlds took a great deal of my thoughts and energy.

Yet, Somehow I felt this great need to go into my studio. I found I was able to work on the little figure. I gave it hair. I started with the clothing. I felt at ease.

I truly believe that Gert was there with me. Guiding me to keep going. 

To step out of that cocoon, and dance with life.

I have been in my studio every day for the past few days. And will go there again today.

Over the past few months, we communicated via what's app. Sending short messages, memories and photos. I forwarded images and a short film of the cocoon opening to him. The word that came back most times was "Prachtig". Which does not have a direct translation in English, but are a mix between: lovely, gorgeous, stunning, wonderful...

Thank you my dear friend.

Much love to you and all.

Further reading and links

• first images of animation project
• The Dance of Illness
• A drawing by Artist Spark Deeley of the way I sleep
• Fantasy Folk and early ME-related art  and more recent sculptures

Joy so close to Sadness. Darkness so close to Light

Be aware of the sadness but fill yourself with light

Dolores Ronayne 

walking at Dzogchen Beara 

I was looking through photographs
on my phone this morning.

I found this one:
Me walking
outside
Dzogchen Beara Care Centre.

It made me feel proud.
And it made me cry.

Joy

so close to Sadness

Darkness

so close to Light 

Further reading:

• Dzogchen Beara walk story Are you sure?
• First walk Sore arms and hands from walking
• A post from 2010 Alien Life
• Quotes are from Into the Light, available here  
• Quote this post and I will refund the €5 postage cost of any Into the Light order.

Dzogchen Beara Care Centre

For the past week I have written about my stay at the Dzogchen Beara Care Centre, West Cork, Ireland. Some of you have asked for further information about accessibility, costs, and about how the centre will help someone living with illness. This post will look at all those questions. (A long post, but maybe just go to the section you are interested in). I hope it is of help, but feel free to contact me, or of course anyone from the Dzogchen Beara team with further questions.

View from Dzogchen Beara Care Centre

Just a note... you don't have to be ill to be staying at the Care Centre. It is a beautiful location to just restore your batteries. Or use it as a base to explore the Beara Peninsula. Better than any hotel. Not just my words, but that of many other guests. And you don't have to be a Buddhist or be into meditation either to be visiting or staying at Dzogchen Beara.

How I initially got here

After years of a slowly improving well being from ME/CFS my health started to decline again in 2012. After almost two years I felt I had lost all the ability to find my way out again. Getting ill first time round, there is still that sense of hope of recovery. To have to do it all over again, I simply felt I was stuck. Stuck in how to move forward.
I needed to find my balance again. I thought that maybe a week or so away from home, in a place that could provide some healing- some understanding would be a good idea. I explored such places on the internet and came across the Care Centre at Dzogchen Beara. (Then know as the Dechen Shying Care Centre). I had heard of this place from a few people over the years so started to look into it a bit more seriously.

Dzogchen Beara Care Centre conservatories of private rooms

I booked my stay at the Care Centre during March 2014. What I found was an amazingly kind, warm, friendly, supportive and accessible place. With stunning views to add to the 'package'. I was hooked within hours... (See Extraordinary Generosity link at bottom of page).

I have been back several times since. Partly with the help of a Rehab bursary to work on my book Into the Light which was 'conceived-born- and launched at the Care Centre.
During last week's residency, I wrote a daily blog about my experiences and thoughts.

I have only ever stayed at the Care Centre so can only tell you about that. 

There are 7 rooms at the spacious Care Centre, a large open communal kitchen, a family room, and the most beautiful meditation room. 

For other accommodation at cottages and hostel (and many courses/retreats) see Website.

Dzogchen Beara Care Centre wheelchair accessible rooms

Care

• Although it is a Care Centre, it does not mean that personal care is provided. If you need a carer, you need to bring someone along.
• What they do give, is their warmth and support in whatever way they can.
• There is the option for one-to-one spiritual care during your stay. This is not counseling, but a supportive chat to help find ways to deal with for example acceptance. I have availed of this during all my stays here and have build up a relationship of care and trust with John, one of the  support members.
• There are weekend and week long retreats too, which deal with loss and grief and meditation. See the website.
• The vision of this centre is from the Tibetan Book of Living and Dying

Dzogchen Beara Care Centre wheelchair accessible rooms

Wheelchair Accessibility rooms: 1, 2, 3, 4

• The whole building is spacious, bright, warm and fully wheelchair accessible.
• Rooms 1, 2 and 3 have two have two single beds, of which one is a high-low bed.
• Room 4 has a low, small double bed.
• These four rooms are fully wheelchair accessible, with wooden flooring, wide doors, and plenty of sockets for charging wheelchairs or scooters or other equipment, and have plenty of space to move around in.
• Fully accessible bathrooms, with grab-rails and wet-room showers.
• Room 1 has grab-rails on both sides of toilet; room 2,3,4 has only a fold down grab rail on the right of the toilet. (Right side, as in seated on the toilet, with a ledge on the other side to lean on)
• There are shower chairs/seats available on request.
• There is a manual hoist available.
• These rooms also have a private conservatory attached to the rooms, which are spacious, and have a recliner chair and other furniture.
• My experience is that furniture can be re-arranged to suit your specific needs.

Room 5,6,7

• These rooms are at the other quieter end of the building. They are smaller and don't have 'wet-rooms'. They do have the views of the sea.
• Those who need a carer to accompany them on their stay at the Centre often book one of these rooms for the carer (as extra room)

Food and kitchen

• There is a large communal kitchen, where guests can sit together and have a chat.
• The counter and cupboards are normal height. 
• One low level drawer has cups, plates etc accessible for wheelchair users.
• There are two fridges, and a freezer. One fridge is for general use. The other is for guests own foods.
• There are teas, coffee, biscuits and etc provided. Self service.
• Self catering breakfast is included. There are cereals, milk, bread, eggs is in the fridge and cupboards.
• A large delicious vegetarian lunch can be ordered (€10)  and eaten at the Shrine room. But as this is a little tricky to reach by wheelchair (steep hill), lunch can be brought up to the care centre.
• Diets are catered for in terms of the booked lunch. Ask in advance of stay. But do bring your own dietary foods with you!
• You can do your own food too. Bring supplies!
• If you need support, bring someone along.
• Shops are far away, so do bring plenty of snack and other foods if you do not intend to leave the building for the duration of your stay.
• For me the lunch is big enough to be my main meal of the day. I bring frozen soups from home for at night.

Meditation

• In the morning at 9am there is a guided meditation at the Shrine Room. Which is located down the road from the Care Centre. This is open to anyone.
• As the Shrine Room is not easily to get to by wheelchair, they kindly offered to move this meditation up to the Meditation room here at the Care Centre during my stays. This way, I, and other guest with mobility impairment are able to join in in the meditations.
• To me it is a beautiful way to start the day.
• At 3pm there is a Loving Kindness meditation, again at the Care Centre Meditation room.
• Both these meditations are free and open to everyone who stays,  or visits Dzogchen Beara for the day. 
• These meditations are guided in such a way that they are open to complete Beginners and the more experienced in meditation.

Cost

• See the website for Care Centre details (For all accommodation see here)

Wifi. No-wifi

• Just a note for people hooked or reliant on their phone, there is very poor phone reception, so you are (wonderfully) cut off from the world. Very peaceful.
• There are a few location on the grounds (near car park) where there is most reliable phone reception. Occasionally there is reception in the building. Occasionally.
• There is no wi-fi.

Outside

• The Dzogchen Beara complex consists of a series of buildings, stunning paths, trees, ponds, and a gorgeous little cafe/bookshop, walks and a meditation garden.
• The road is narrow so can be a little tricky to feel safe on on my mobility scooter.
• And it is steep.
• From the cafe down towards the Shrine room and meditation garden it is Very Steep.
• Staff suggest to Not go out on your own if you use a wheelchair or scooter. They prefer to walk alongside you, especially on wet days. Or when road and paths are wet from previous rain.
• For walkers, there are some lovely walks and views to explore.

Beyond Dzogchen Beara

• The Beara peninsula is just beautiful. It is worth a trip out for the day. 
• There is a wheelchair accessible taxi available from Castletownbeare. They can provide a trip around the area. Staff here can tell you more about that.

What this place means for me and how I use it.

For me this place means a break from the daily routine.
A different location.
Meeting new people.
A place where I can simply BE.

I find peace and acceptance.
And an amazing place to create. A few sculptures saw the light of day here, and my Into the Light book was formulated and launched here.

sculpture in the making

I have build up a routine during my stays, and now know what I would need to make my stay easy. I contact the centre in advance of arrival. When I get here, my room has been set up for me, for example a small table is placed in the conservatory to sculpt on...

I rest a lot.
I sleep a lot.
I hang out in the recliner in the conservatory. Looking at the glorious views, or listen to the wind and rain...
I don't listen to the news or watch tv.
(There is a telly and videos in the family room - also books, and a radio in the bedrooms.)

If you book for the first time, and have requirements, and questions, please make sure to make contact the centre in advance.



I hope you will make a trip here some day.
I recommended staying for a few nights at least. It takes me about two or three to feel ok after the journey and to settle in. And to settle into the beauty and silence.

I love it here!
But you properly gathered that already...


Links and further reading

• First visit: A place of Extraordinary generosity
• posts about my stay
• Book Launch with Michael Harding 
• Books- including Into the Light 
• Dzogchen Beara website