Sunday is a day of Rest

Sundays are for Rest

I was going to write about the unease that One Man (and his 'friends') can bring to the world, but it knots my stomach ... and as I would like this Little Wings Blog to be about healing, ease and growth, I decided agains taking that route. I am sure you all have your own thoughts on the subject of D.T.

Lying in my bed, 

a photo came to mind

which I took a few years ago

 of my beloved Robert Cat ...

Don't rush to get up. 

Today is a day of rest!

But if you feel like watching some short

documentaries and videos

 about my art and writing, 

you can do so 

HERE

Be good.

Be well.

Meditation during illness

The most radical act of healing could be the act of presence. 

Being here.

Kalichi - Dance, Words & Soul quoted in Into the Light 

page from Into the Light 

A short thought for today about the healing power of meditation, and observing life, nature, which is what I did most of the day yesterday...

Meditation 

for me means

Stillness

Observing what goes on in my body

trying to let it be

Really seeing what is in front of me

ever changing light shapes 

of clouds movements in my garden

Aliveness

Without much doing

Rare

beautiful moments 
of lightness of being

Quote from Into the Light by Corina Duyn

Medication, or Meditation

A few more words to think about

Meditation

as 

Medication

Meditation ... Medication
Beach Bliss sculpture by Corina Duyn 2016

A quote by  Corina Duyn

Your travel Guide for Travelling from Illness to Wellness

Links:

• Quote from book: Into the Light by Corina Duyn
• View more of Corina's Sculptures (some available for purchase) see her Portfolio of New Works
• Other blog post with few words to ponder Stillness

Stillness, the Saint of Illness

During illness I have gained a love,
curiosity and a respect for words.
For the structure of words.

Hearing the word 

Stillness

Writing it down 
I saw

St - illness

Can it be that 

Stillness

is the 

Saint

of 

illness

I leave you with that for the day.

Wishing you well.

Corina


links:
Words from Into the Light- available from the Web Shop

Stillness as tool to cope with illness

"In order to see the birds it is necessary to become part of the silence."

Robert Lynot

One of the thoughts I have for this series of reflective blogs is 

to ask my book-readers to suggest a page, a quote, or an image for today's reflection.

Eimear Forde suggested this "Olympic Sparrows" page from HATCHED- re-hatched:

"I love sparrows, they are so sweet and cheeky, 

your poem is kind of funny so its a winner for me." 

Eimear Forde

As you probably know by know, birds have a special place in my heart.

During the early years of illness, I spend many, many hours in bed. 

Looking out the window at the antics of my feathered friends.

They helped me to deal with the pain in my body.

The above page was written during one of those days when pain was so rampant 

that the only way I could deal with is was to write it out of my system.

I wrote about the grief, the pain, the challenge, the upset,

but without fail, the writing would include the birds.

The focus would shift from my body

 to the world outside my window.

I lived among the birds...

still from the Into the Light story

 This might sound a little surreal,

but I feel blessed in a way that in those days

I did not have access to the Internet.

To not be searching for 

solutions

cures

or the latest research

about my illness

I underwent my journey

with the help of nature

and creativity

still from the Into the Light story

I did have access to a few books.

My "Bible" was M.E. Chronic Fatigue syndrome: A practical Guide by Dr. Anne Macintyre

The Internet has of course its values

... Am I not using it myself to connect with you...

But as the top quote suggests:

"In order to see the birds it is necessary to become part of the silence".

I am a great advocate to find some time of silence in your day

Some time of reflection.

Through stillness

we learn about our own special journey

through illness - through life.

May you be well.

What a short visit to Youghal beach can do...

Last Thursday I had an 'IWA Outreach Day' with fellow member Sarah, and two staff members, to Youghal.
Two puppets (my "reporter" and Miriam's Monk) came along for the ride. They attracted the attention of passers by and of a puppy, who had never seen/felt sand before and I am sure had never experienced a puppet just about taller than himself either.

     

While the photo's were being taken further up the beach, I got out of my wheelchair, carefully got my legs over the top step and enjoyed the tranquil sound of the water, the smells, the rolling waves.
Loving it! 
To my left I spotted seaweed, with lovely shaped pieces perfect for a 'hat' or 'hair' for a sculpture-to-be... some day. Miriam helped me to pick one out.



Over the past few days I made this little sculpture.
I already had the base of the head on which to build. I found a beautiful rock in my studio- perfect for the bust. Not having brought home seaweed, I found some dried dillisk in my cupboard to use as a'shawl'. I devised a way to make the clay look like stone.
Still some finishing touches and varnishing to do, but oh, did I enjoy making this, bringing out the peace and happiness I felt sitting on top of those steps at Youghal beach.

"Tranquility at Youghal Beach" © Corina Duyn 2016 15x17x7cm

"Tranquility at Youghal Beach" (back)  © Corina Duyn 2016 15x17x7cm

Wisdom

My latest sculpture.
Three months in the making. Twenty minutes at the time. It still all adds up to a finished art work!

I call her "Wisdom".
Grounded.
Letting go.

"Wisdom" Sculpture. 74x46x18cm. © Corina Duyn 2015

"Wisdom" Sculpture. 74x46x18cm. © Corina Duyn 2015

"Wisdom" (detail) Sculpture. © Corina Duyn 2015

"Wisdom" (detail) Sculpture. © Corina Duyn 2015

"Wisdom" (detail) Sculpture. © Corina Duyn 2015

This sculpture is part of my  Into the Light Project

which has been supported by the Rehab Group Visual and Performing Arts Fund

For the start of this sculpture see here 

ps. As I no longer have a Facebook or Twitter account 

(find it all too confusing...) 

but you think this Blog deserves to make a presence there, 

please feel free to link it on your page. 

Thank you!

The art of being an Artist...

Well here we go, the subject of being an artist, touched on, (yet again)... in a my Previous post: "Polly and Peter brought me out on the lake in the boat and helped me in my "fight" to acknowledge, and embrace, the fact that my life is a life of creativity"


So what is an artist anyway?

• An artist is a person engaged in one or more of any of a broad spectrum of activities related to creating art practicing the arts and/or demonstrating an art. (according wikipedia)

That does not get us far does it?

• Art is the product or process of deliberately arranging items (often with symbolic significance) in a way that influences and affects one or more of the senses, emotions, and intellect. It encompasses a diverse range of human activities, creations, and modes of expression, including music, literature, film, photography, sculpture and paintings. (again according wikipedia)
• Art: "the use of skill and imagination in the creation of aesthetic objects, environments, or experiences that can be shared with others (according brittanica online)

I like the bit "can be shared with others".

A while back I looked up Poet, and am reasonably comfortable with that description. Not so much in terms of my skills of writing poetry, but more in the way of the broader thought:

2.

a person who has the gift of poetic thought, imagination,and creation, together with eloquence of expression.

From all of that, yes I am an artist.

Phew.

I've said it.

Yet... I seem to have a problem.

Thirteen years ago, I was working hard on my Fantasy Folk Business. Becoming ill, I felt I was given a chance to change directions. No more art. 

Yet.

As a friend pointed out, I was creating drawings about not wanting to be creative...

Point taken.

Creativity was and is a lifeline that has helped me to stay sane in the challenging years of illness.

Having finally accepted that fact, I put it into my head that "I only create and write because I am ill and when I am better, I can do something else.

Warped mind or what?

I must say though that:

• I am for ever grateful that I have found my writing voice and the chance to publish books.
• I am for ever grateful to have (and hope to continue to) made wonderful contacts with people all over the world, because of my creative explorations... my ART.
• I am touched by the messages I receive and how my work has been used in studies and thesis, again by people all over the world.
• I love what I do.

Writing this I wonder what my problem with the label Artist is...

I think the "problem" lies in the fact that I got so "used" to being ill that I am having a hard time to see beyond it.
A scary thought.

This brings the thought to: "What would I like to do when I grow up (improve health wise)"?
I have no idea.
Well actually I do. I want to share my experiences with others.... through creativity.

one last look at the shed/studio as it was.

There.

Problem solved.

All these unsettling thoughts have been spurred on by the recent changes in my mindset.
As you might know from the last few blogs, I have been concentrating on the breath as healing tool. A tool available to all of us. A tool I keep reading about (in the most unlikely places, like as profile image of my facebook friend Kirsten), and hear about on tapes, on the radio, and from other people.

Breath is where it is at.

Breathing is bringing me to a different place. So is the healing I received from Dolores.
I am at a cross roads to well being.

"shed feeling sorry for itself...

After one of the sessions with Dolores, she asked me where my thoughts were. 

"That I have to start working with clay again." I said. These words had seemingly nothing to do with the session I just had.
Later that evening (see this post here if you like) I read a sentence "dare to be who you are".
A few days later I woke up with the thought that maybe I can explore the idea again of having a studio in my garden.
I left my last studio 13 years ago.
Moving into my current abode, I had plans for a studio, but ran out of money. In the meantime I had made the garden shed into a studio. But it was too small, the rain came through the roof and it was cold and damp.
Making do, wasn't working.

The new studio idea was obviously the right plan for now, as within a few days I had my brother and nephew on board to build it, and got approval from the council. Also I was given the news that I had won the case against Aer Arann (more about that in a week or so) and all going well, I have some finances to build the studio.

I must say I AM excited about the prospect of the studio. Mostly so I can share my work with others again. I already have a few people interested to do a doll making/puppet making workshop.

Case closed.

my gateway was a bit like this one..

Actually, one last thought.
During a meditation with the help of some amazing healing sounds, I suddenly found myself passing through a beautiful gateway.
The grounds beyond it were like a walled garden, yet there was no wall to restrict space or movement.
The garden  on the right was full of my favorite French Marigold flowers. A sea of orange. There was a lake, with birds. There was so much beauty in this space, I felt overjoyed and in awe that I was allowed to be here. There were people in the distance all edging me on to come into the garden. Sculptures of dancers. Also a pair of huge hands.
I feel that I had walked over the threshold into healing.

The garden's image is still in my head.
I closed the gates behind me.

ps... an afterthought... hours later...
Isn't the whole idea about being in the moment- the now- not to worry about what you'll do next... 
I am happy what I do and who I am. That's all that matters! 
:-)

Be ... at Ashley Park

I agree, it's been a while since I showed up in "blogger-world' or anywhere in cyberspace for that matter.
Then again, maybe you didn't wonder where I've been hanging out.. :-) No offence!

A few blog posts back, see "The Shell must break" I wrote about the challenges faced by living with an illness and the need to be still. Be still and in the moment. Which of course is not the easiest thing to do when faced with pain and discomfort.
I have embraced this renewed knowledge with much more thought and acceptance than ever before.
The words I have read, the wisdom I have heard, the changes in my body brought on by the healing therapies from Dolores are rooting in my being.

I have taken a lot of time to be still and to really experience how I am feeling. Not all are happy thoughts. Some are 'scary'. Some are a powerful revelation of well being. Even with a body that doesn't do what I had hoped it would.

Dreams are providing some clarity as well and as a funny coincidence I had a dream about booking a holiday. Later that day I had an appointment for reflexology and polarity treatment with Dolores, and from the minute I walked in she wanted to suggest to me that maybe I should go on a little holiday...

And so I did.

Writing my wish list, I came up with water, lake, small hotel, time to reflect, nature...and with the help of google I came up with Ashley Park
All I can say is that it was love at first sight.

After emailing them to request a room which would be accessible for me with my mobility scooter, I decided to ring in stead.
Ninety year old owner Sean answered the phone. None of my requests were deemed unusual. He had the apartment for me, and yes it was free for the days I had hoped to get away.
"You made my day," I said to Sean.
"We like to make people happy," was the answer.

Two days later I arrived at Ashley Park.
All my wishes and dreams came true in the days of my visit there. Any many more besides.

Staff member Mags showed me around the apartment and made me a cup of tea.
Sinead looked after me, and other guests, during the week and made sure we were never hungry. She lovingly shared her passion for this unique place and told me about the lake, the swans, the woodlands, the walled garden, ancient trees and the fairy fort. On passing a blossoming lavender she would stop and mention it.

I spend days lying by the lake, resting in the walled garden, wrote, reflected, and sat by the fire at night time.

I had found a piece of heaven in Ireland.
I had found a wonderful place to settle into the transition I am making from illness into well being. If this well being will eventually translate into a well body, I would be delighted. My biggest goal however is to find that sense of peace (again) in my mind. Be.
Just be.

This transition brought tears too. I let an overwhelming sadness flow out of my body. I noted what was happening and didn't try to stop it.

What made the stay in Ashley Park powerful was also that I had no means to 'escape'. I had no transport, no computer, my phone was only there if I needed it.
Ashley Park proved to be a safe place to be.
To really be.




During breakfast I met some wonderful guests, who were all equally excited to have found this amazing house. All seated around the one big dining room table, packed with delicious food, breakfast lasted for hours.
Chats about the house, the lake, a boat trip and trips around the area. Chats about writing, art, gardening, music, (see red shed sessions on facebook) life, and yes illness and the need to be still and live the best life you can.

During the last few days I had the pleasure of meeting guests from Norfolk, who had been to Ashley Park about 6 or 7 times.
Polly and Peter brought me out on the lake in the boat and helped me in my "fight" to acknowledge, and embrace, the fact that my life is a life of creativity.
(More about this in a follow up post...)




The last night in my bit of heaven I scooted to the ancient trees Sinead had mentioned. I now understood her urge to go tree-climbing.

As you might gather, I am excited to have found this wonderful little place, in the middle of Ireland, near the lovely town of Nenagh. An unassuming place, which I like people to know exist and yet feel a sense of protection towards it... I don't want it to get "mobbed."

I would like to thank Sean for rescuing this place from it's near death in the '70. For the wonderful staff and for the fact that this place is private. Where else would you find a lake all to yourself, among the hundreds of ducks, and a few horses.

I'll be back.
To write.

Awareness ... of Nature's Art

Following from yesterday's post I'd like to share with you these wonderful gifts of nature.  

And yes, I DID stop and stare at these beauties. 

Every day I wondered when the flowers of these leeks will reveal themselves to the world

The immensely heavy rain a few days ago brought out the best of them.

Stunning pieces of Nature's Art.

One flower daring to peep outside of it's shell. 

I will take it's cue...

The shell must break...

... before the bird can fly.

A quote by Tennyson, given to me as a greeting card a few years ago. The card hasn't left my books shelf since, and it's message is very appropriate at the present time.

The shell must break...

Footloose, acrylic on wood
© Corina Duyn

"You are the 'Hatched Woman", Dolores said when we met some time last year. "I love that book." A few months ago, I was proud to show her my handmade book: Flying on Little Wings.  She held it in her hands, and uttered the words "precious, it's so precious". When she came to pick up her copy we talked about writing, creating books and about the artwork in Hatched. She asked if I still had the painting 'Footloose'.  As it happened, I did. It was one of two paintings  still in my possession. 
We agreed on a barter for treatment in reflexology and polarity therapy.
This has been taking place during the past month or so. It has set me off on a journey of discovery way beyond the treatment.


Since having a major setback in terms on my health in May, I have found life increasingly more challenging. Pain was unbearable, but more worryingly, so was my mental state. "I don't recognise myself" I uttered. "And I feel cheated out of life". All I love to do and which are a way to help me deal with the effects of illness - gardening, working in the greenhouse, doing my writing and art, were once again taken away from me. I felt that there was little left. 
(I have been more or less housebound at the start of the ME 13 years ago, but I had been able to slowly expand on these boundaries.)


Starting this session of treatments, I told all I know about the way my life has progressed over the past 5 decades (almost!) and how illness has effected me. One of the main things that I focused on was that I have never felt "grounded". I have been floating through life.
"Footloose" suddenly had a different meaning from when and why I had created it...


After the second session I was told "we talked a lot. That is unusual."
These few words stuck in my head. 
I realised that even during a treatment to help me further on a path of recovery, I was not fully "here". I was not focusing on what was happening right NOW. My body was being worked on and my mind was elsewhere. 
I realised that I have been doing that for a VERY long time. 
It is easier to ignore the body's messages and "get on with life".


Looking for my '80 Dutch book on reflexology I found a book by a Dutch woman who had had ME. (Bange Helden, Wies Enthoven). 
'You know you have to change.' He (the acupuncturist she went to) knew that I was the only one who could make this happen.'

Reading this made my body tingle. 

I knew it to be true. I have always believed this but have not been able to 'go' there.

'Let it be' he said.

'What remains of me when I can only be? Wies asked herself. 'The struggle I fought with myself to really let go of everything was huge.'
'Dare to be who you're meant to be'  she continues, 'was hardly an original revelation, but was obviously new for me.'


Last week I brought a visit to the library and while looking for a book on reflexology, I came across a book by fiction and non fiction writer Tim Parks: Teach us to be still. A Sceptic's Search for Health and Healing. I am learning lots from his frank and open, and often funny account of how he dealt with being ill. How the medical profession looks at one aspect only, and what do you do when they can't find anything wrong. 
Breath and be still. Apparently!
Reading Parks's book I realised that I too find escape into words. '...Until I had thought about it in words, or better still, written about it, ... then I possessed it. 
'We read to know we're not alone' says CS Lewis. 
And for me? I write to understand. 


My mind is always busy, which I thought was a gift to help me deal with decline into dark and lonely places due to illness. If I am not actually writing, I write in my head, and come up with plans for creative adventures. While doing guided meditations,  I 'tell' a friend to listen to this too. When I am reading, I make a mental note to tell so and so about this book. When I am in the bath I want to get out because there is something I need to write down; when I am 'meditating' my mind goes into all sorts of directions and none of them have anything to do with stillness. When I see a lovely bird in the garden, I have to get my camera in stead of really seeing the bird.
'Mind and body part company', Park realises, 'you're more at home on the page than on the pavement.' ... 'Your mind is you. Your body is your vehicle.'
I was told the same words by Dolores...


All a sobering thought.
I am very busy, and am not- as I thought- working my way through what really matters to me- finding healing, finding a way to improve my well being, physically and mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
'Give yourself the gift of change,' Kerie Logan tells me time and time again during her guided meditations. 'Let go of any resistance.'
I want change.
But have been scared to go 'there'. 
There where I have no control. I have no idea where 'there' really is.
Being much more in the moment and being still already brought me to some uncomfortable 'home-truths'.


The shell must break before the bird can fly...


With the help of Kerie, Dolores, Wies, Tim and all of those that have gone before me I will embrace the stillness. And break the shell so I can start my flight with a fresh eyes and healthy wings.
I will make friends with myself as Pema Chodron tells me during her excellent lecture on Matri and and Tonglen meditation. 


You know what dawned on my the other night - while sitting in the bath - that Stillness and Illness are almost the same word. 
St- illness 
Saint Illness?


Be good my friends, and maybe be still?


(If you'd like to comment, any chance you do it here in the comment box in stead of on FB or Twitter? This way I, and other blog visitors get to read it too. Many thanks.