I am sitting here at the computer, and have the feeling that my body has been taken over by Aliens. Did they arrive with the Christmas presents? Where they, or it, wrapped in the pain that knocked me out about 10 days ago?
According "Dictionary.com" an alien is:
a resident born in, or belonging to another country,
who has not acquired citizenship by naturalization
A citizen from the world of pain? The world of M.E.?
I am in a daze, sleep between 12 and 14 hours at night, and then still require a rest in the afternoon. My legs are worryingly weak. The Alien in my head makes conversations difficult. I can not find the words to describe a thing or an action. Writing seems a little easier although the job is laboursome. (& spellcheck essential!)
So why write?
Because in this Zombie/Alien state, my creative brain is making a comeback. It wants attention, and comes up with ideas for the year ahead.
Over the past few days a handmade artist book has been formulation in my mind, and I have played around with its possibilities. Exciting! Watch this space.
Yet again, I see creativity as a way forward. The first benefit is selfishly mine. I can experience my world through words and images. Words I am not always able to speak, but do flow out of my fountain pen, or through my fingers on the keyboard. My camera has me observing the birds and trace the life of plants, flowers, and insects. Creativity is the one gift from the world of 'Aliens' which I truly respect and have immense gratitude for.
It is also a way in which I can communicate my thoughts, fears, loves, and desires with others, and if these creative explorations have a positive effect on others, I am honoured.
Through the Alien's visit I also became aware again that I am not able to take part in the world like a citizen of the world we know. I enjoyed a few 'normal' outings over the past few months and am still paying for the 'privilege'.
This realization is painful. The fear of having to live my life forever in this way makes me sad. It can be so lonesome at times. Yet! Most of the time I value my space, the silence in my house, the time I can devote to my creativity. As long as I can construct a healthy balance between the much needed social contacts and the life I can live. The life I can live well. The restrictions are many, but managed well, I do experience my life as a good life.
Creativity being the main key to my well being, these are my wishes for the year ahead:
I hope to finish writing my novella: "The Shadows of an Invisible Octopus", work with my artist friend Spark on the Family Tree project, and unearth more about my ancestors, especially my Great Grand Mother Maria. I believe that in this lies a key to my writing.
I aspire to republish Hatched and create limited editions handmade artist books, and to get my hands dirty with clay again.
A lot? Maybe, but I have 365 days and more to do it. No rush!
All this does means though that I doubt I will devote as much time and energy on networking on Facebook. I'll pop by now and then to see how my Facebook Friends are all doing. (*)
The Alien's visit had me re-evaluate how I spend my time and energy. Computer time- I have to use more selfishly- creatively; jobs in the house (for which I am going to apply for more support again) and use my energy the way I know is best as long as the Aliens are in the vicinity to make it's present known.
Maybe this is all a way of sticking my head in the sand, live a life in a dream state, not in the real world, but then again, maybe deep down I know to which "country" I belong and can aspire to live there within my best abilities.
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Best wishes to all my readers for the year ahead.
Health and Contentment and hopefully a lot of creativity!
(*) You might like this post :Editiovultus Phobia