... to start with the positive, I am immensely proud that I finished my first ever module in college. "Models of Disability" I managed to attend all the classes, (5 night over 5 weeks, and a Saturday afternoon), wrote a literature review (800 words), an essay (1500 words), and a short, very short, statement of learning.
I have done it!
Was it easy?
My GP is supporting me in my effort to study, but asks me every time, to 'stay realisic'. I am not so sure I am, or at least not all the time. The past few weeks I cried in the bus (quietly to myself) but, every time I get to Cork I feel better. Excited to be in Cork.
It is of great value to have a room there, as after a bite to eat I can sleep and rest for the afternoon. After the class, it is great to know that my bed is very close by! I can sleep long in the mornings before making my way back to 'the hills' again.
One of the nights, I was worried anyone would ask me, as one does, 'how are you?, and that my response would be accompanied by tears. It didn't happen that way, thank goodness.
My class mates and tutors are great. I do not feel the 'odd one out' when I lie down (in the hall, on a huge comfy couch) or when I walk around on my socks (shoes to sore to have on my feet). Nobody blinks an eyelid. Thank you my fellow students! It is great to be part of this group of interesting people!
I soooooo love the subject I am studying. It has opened my mind to the experience of disability throughout history and the more current role of Disability Arts. It also makes an impact on my own disability and the challenges I am encountering, especially now I am more out and about in society. So much in my head!
Which of course is partly responsible for the drain on my precious energy. You can decide to not walk, but it is hard to stop thinking.
I do compensate by meditation, relaxation, concentrating on my breathing and rely on the trusted sleeping and resting.
I did have a few 'scares' of relapses, but somehow managed to stay on top of it all. Proud of that too, but aware I might be walking a very delicate line...
Still, I am very much looking forward to the next module: Body Politics and the media: A subject close to my heart it seems, as every time I read something about this, and the arts, it gets my full attention.
I will keep going and rest when I can! If I do have to give up, what I have learned so far, and the interest it has created in my mind, will be of benefit. My reflexologist suggested the other day: "I feel another piece of writing coming on..." She might be right!
Whenever I know it is ok to share my written work with you, I will post it on this blog.
Now, I will sign off and again thank you for your support.
Love to you all.
ps... As always it is lovely to know that you stopped by to read my musing and follow my creative adventures. It would make my day if you leave a comment.
Many thanks & Lots of love Corina