Saturday, August 7, 2010

I am still learning

On Thursday last I finally attended the West Waterford Writers group. Only until the break, but I was pleased to be amidst a group of writing-loving-people.

To get our creative-writing-juices going, Rose the facilitator for the night, had brought in this plaque:

The results were as varied as the birds in the sky: a poem about politicians, a dialogue between Michelangelo and Angelo Michael, a word play on the word still, procrastination, and the worry about being a facilitator.
For me, the quote brought me very close to my emotions of the recent past.

I am still learning... deal with this illness, after twelve years.

The past two months have been tough to say the least - my body has been ravaged by various infections- which in turn triggered M.E. symptoms. Medication to combat the infections, leaves me exhausted- a double edged sword.
Surely by now I know that I need to rest, and that better health will come my way again.
I have been here before.
Many many times.

I fight the fatigue. I want to go out and do some gardening. I do, and get more whacked- and feel worse.
I want a social life, or at least social contact- but even that leaves me exhausted and in pain.

I am still learning.

I know what to do - I know the tide will change when I have reached acceptance again.
So, why am I still learning?
...because I don't want to know.

I don't want to know, really know, that I am ill.
I am still learning to find the absolute acceptance....
...and wonder will I ever find it.

As a footnote I wrote:
I made it to the writers group, as writing is what I would really like to do, and I am still learning.
I hope that being here will shift the focus from M.E. to me...
...and rediscover the writer within.

Coming home, all I wanted to do was write, but common sense prevailed and I went straight to bed. Slept for almost 11 hours, woke up tired. But! I feel that I am back!

By the way
There are some exciting writing opportunities in County Waterford right now:
Waterford Co. Council writing bursary to attend one of the courses at: Dingle Writing courses

See you all soon!


Cusp said...

Its a constant battle isn't it ....never goes away...always struggling and wriggling to be free from this blasted snare !

Lovely piece of writing..sums it all up very eloquently (*)

Corina Duyn said...

Absolutely, you think you 'got it' and then it is all gone again..

Thanks fro the comment about my writing, it is as I scribbled it on the night. Enjoyed your story too!