Friday, May 26, 2017

The honeymoon is over

A more challenging day. The 'Honeymoon' is over.

I started my day with a massive headache and nausea. No idea from what. But I focused my mind on getting the MRI done. 
It almost worked. 

I was in the bathroom, maybe about 9am, when the nurse knocked on the door. "Do you have a line in?" (i.e. a needle in my arm). No I don't. 
"Are you sure? The MRI people want to know..."

So, there went my slot to get the scans done. A doctor needed to come to put the 'line' in, which took a while. And there was no further call from the MRI department. The nurses tried a few times to see if I am even on the list for today, or tomorrow, but were given no clear answers. 
Oh well...
Thank you nurses, for trying.

The physiotherapist came back with her list of exercises to strengthen my legs, back, and arms. Very gentle stuff. Advise on how many I can do, and don't do them all in the one go. Manageable goals.

While standing up to do one of the exercises, I was holding on to the bedside locker, I felt as I was 'swaying gently from side to side'. (Nothing new).
The therapist was quite concerned about this and followed her questioning and assessment in great detail. Asked about the experience, did I have ringing in my ears, any issues with hearing, troubled by sounds, my eye side, my balance... swallowing, chewing... She was going to bring this assessment to the attention of the neurologist.
Thank you.

I was almost, or actually I was, in tears at some point. 

Living with illness for so long, a lot of the symptoms are part of me. They are my normal, and I don't spend too much time dissecting them. I don't dwell on them. I can't even list them all.
But unknowingly, or knowingly, I make adjustments to be able to function in my world. To make my world a pretty good one to live in.

When asked to think about these minute details, is actually quite unsettling. I touches me even deeply when I write this. 

I know my way of walking, the 'speed' of walking, the very short distance, the not being able to understand directions, not being able to find words, etc. etc. etc. is not the norm for a 55 year old. I know. But there is still so much living I can do within these whacky symptoms. 

Hospital stays is one of these times when I am faced, head on, with the realities of illness. 
The first few days were gentle. Today was not.

I do hope the MRI will be clear, as in, not come up with some other unexpected problems.
But... whatever new they may find, I tell myself that it is already there, I just don't know the name of it. I am already living with it, so nothing really changes.

I do hope I will be called tomorrow. I will dedicate my meditation again on the MRI people, and thank them in advance. I can not stay here beyond the weekend, as was offered. I need to go on my merry way to Holland...

To end with some positive notes: 
I am now the 'proud' owner of a wrist brace. (­čśĆ)

I have the beautiful memory of meeting my room mate "JK", who has gone home today. We listened to the music of The Gloaming last night. I placed my iPad in the middle of the room, we listened from our beds on either side of the ward, both of us transported to places unknown.

I shared today's afternoon 'tea' of sausages, beans and potatoes with my visitor. A second plate was handed to us behind a closed bedside curtain!

... Roll on the last day of this most remarkable week. 

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