Thursday, July 8, 2010
As real as it gets, and confusing at the same time...
like,... can anybody explain why my ankle is really painful, because I have a respiratory track infection...? This reminds me of a Dutch comedian of at least 35 years ago, who used to say: "If I press here (on his chin) then it hurts there!" (pointing at his knee)
For the past month it is as if all sections of my respiratory track; mouth, throath, chest, were jealous of each other for getting 'attention'. Recently the sinuses have been fighting for their moment of fame: "Me, Me, Me! It's my turn...!" Another dose of antibiotics later and feel more and more aware of this 'blasted' ME. or is it just me?
I felt very sorry for myself earlier, as I had, yet again, missed a birthday party of a good friend. I felt/feel too ill to leave the house, and to be among people. The pain in my body was too much to bare. So, I go and sit in the bath, and fill the bath a bit more with tears. Bath full enough and I feel guilty that I am so needy, so ungrateful.
At the same time I wonder how on earth I remained (some bit) sane when I was really ill for years, not just weeks. ( I am sure I had my 'moments' then too!)
My thoughts move to how lucky I am with my lovely home, unlike the people in Haiti who don't have any. They barely have a roof above their heads, and if they have, it probably will be washed away, not by their tears, but by the next hurricane. Who am I to complain?
I am grateful also for my creativity, for the support of friends, for the fact that I am able to write, for the invention of pain killers, hot water bottles, and for the promise of a 'granny drive' tomorrow. A drive to the seaside, or anywhere, just to be away. The promise is enough, I don't even have to go.
I feel better now, at least in my mind, my body will catch up some other day.