Yesterday I meant to write about re-emerging but ended up talking about grieve. Grieving is something, I believe, we have to do in order to be able to move on. To re-emerge into the light of life. I took the day to just be. To be with my thoughts. To potter in the garden for a few minutes. And be mindful of my feelings of loss, in all its ways.
Today I woke up feeling much more calm again. Ready to be in the world. And was blessed to have a visit from three lovely people this morning.
I'd like to thank all of you who read and commented with such affection and understanding on my writing. My thoughts are with you.
Emerging. Sculpture. 11x12x19cm
© Corina Duyn 2014
Over the past few days, a few of my readers shared their thoughts on the 'Emerging' sculpture (see image), and the quote "Re-emerging into the light armed with the wisdom of the earth."
It resonated with them:
"This new year, in typically contradictory M.E fashion, I feel more physically ill but more accepting of my illness. I have felt lost and trapped for a long time and wondered where "I" was. I know that this acceptance will wax and wane but for now it is peaceful and feels like a re-emergence of me."Di Kirk
The story of this sculpture:
Since 2012 my health had been deteriorating after years of slow progress. From early 2014, I had to acknowledge that this was not a temporary set back. I could not imagine, or accept going back to needing daily support again. To be even more dependent on mobility aids, to have to re-arrange the house to suit wheelchair use. To having to accept help in so many different ways.
Going through all these challenges during the early years of illness is tough enough. But in those early days there is always the hope that it will all get better. That needing help is temporary. That recovery is in sight.
Having to go through this journey again, was unthinkable...
But I had to.
Sinking. Sculpture, 15x19x11cm. © Corina Duyn 2014
I remember lying in the bath and thinking how I was stuck in a hard place. Like being embedded in a rock. Not water.
I needed to open my bag of tricks I used to come out of this state years ago. I had to revisit my ways I knew would support me in my struggles: Writing. Creating. Being in a quiet location.
I booked myself in at the Dechen Shying Care Centre at Dzogchen Beara where I felt supported, cared for, and understood. Also I was told by staff and fellow guests that I really, really needed to ask and accept support in order to live well and to be able to continue with my creative work- and sharing this with others...
And reached out.
Reaching Out. Sculpture, 10x10x11cm. © Corina Duyn 2014
It was not easy emotionally. And practically, well, the wheels of bureaucracy are slow, and grinding and come to many stops... I wrote an article for Journal.ie about this.
Over time I did get support. And accepted support. And I did emerge from this challenging place.
My book Into the Light in the format of a box with loose sheets with reflections on life, was created as a result of this challenge. I truly believe that.
If we dare to go deep inside the darkness, and reach out when we are ready to do this, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Not always what we hoped to find there, but it can be a peaceful place.
At least for a while...
Be well my friends, and thank you for joining me on this journey.
Notes and links:
- These three sculptures were made during my first stay at Dechen Shying Care Centre at Dzogchen Beara.
- My Into the Light book, the format very much inspired by this place was launched there by Michael Harding in September 2015
- These images are also in my Into the Light book and is available from my Web Shop
- Reaching out and Emerging are also available as PRINTS
- Journal.ie article: Opinion: Being ill is hard – having to fight for every basic human right is much, much harder, by Corina Duyn